Breaking the Stigma: Billy Todd's Story of Surviving Abandonment and Managing Severe Anxiety

Joel Kleber: 0:00

Welcome to Live Experience podcast. I'm your host Joel Kleber and lived experience podcasts about sharing stories of lived experience from people on a large range of mental illness and mental health topics. In today's episode, I'm interviewing Billy Todd. Now Billy Todd reached out to me by LinkedIn to share his story, which was fantastic. And it was a hard thing for him to do. And this discussion is all about anxiety and was a great thing to be educated on. Because it's something for me, that you if you are a regular listener, you'll know why I focus on other topics besides anxiety and depression, because that's, that's more what I know bipolar and cares and stuff. But always hear about anxiety, just how serious it can be, and how it affects someone's life is was really, really rewarding around and Billy done a great job of educating mean, he will use will how serious this is and what he's done to actually turn his life around as well and get help. So you'll get a lot out of this. If anxiety is something of interest to you, or you're affected by anxiety, Billy will share what he did and what works for him. And a big thanks to believe sharing a string of experience. And you can do so as well by going lived experience podcast.com Please contact me via there. If you want to share your story on socials or leave a review. It helps out a lot. And you will notice the new music so I'm trying to level up a bit in music. The last music was a bit too, for long. So there's a bit more low fire. But have you enjoyed the podcast and the interview with Billy Todd, and thanks again to Billy for sharing his story. Billy, thanks for joining me today and the live experience podcast. So maybe you want to start off introducing a bit about yourself and about your very own lived experience.

Billy Todd: 1:27

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you. Yes, I'm a 43 year old, who suffered from some some mental issues. I guess in the past, I suffered from anxiety, I was like officially diagnosed when I was about 30. But in hindsight, I certainly suffered long before that. It's been quite a journey to get to where I am now. But I'm in a very good space now that I like to share with with people, I feel that, you know, just by sharing your experience, at some stage somewhere, someone will will get something from it. And then be very, very open. I'm looking forward to sharing as much as I can.

Joel Kleber: 2:03

So let's talk about anxiety, then, because I think people generally think it's a mild thing. I know, I'm gonna from interviews I've done with people, it's definitely not some agent to talk about anxiety, how you describe it, and how it affected you? Or how does it affect you? Yeah,

Billy Todd: 2:18

absolutely. So I guess for me, it was, it was in many different ways. I actually didn't know this tool 12 months ago, but I suffered from what's called abandonment issues. And what would happen is, something might happen to be a trigger, and my mind would just switch into overload. You know, there was no concentration, there was no, no reasoning, there's no rationale, there's no logic to any my thought process, and it will just spiral out of control. And just everyday life was was was hard to function, you know, you the sleep would be rubbing him off, which would then create another spiral effect and just make the day hard. You know, eating was hard, just doing the things that I wanted to do was just really hard. And it was it was an ongoing process. It wasn't for a couple hours here and there or for a couple of days or a couple of weeks. And it was every day for for months and months and months at a time. It would fluctuate, you would get up and down. You'd have better days and not so better days. But every day was was hard. It's it's hard to explain, but it really is that it's just it's not logical. It's not rational. It's it's a constant state of alertness. Just your mind just operating 1000 miles an hour to a point where if someone was to ask me, What are you thinking I should I wouldn't really be able to tell him. It's just going that fast is that much going on? Yeah, it was it's in hindsight and speak about it now. That's fine. You know, I certainly didn't recognize the severity of it. At the time. I knew it was there for quite some time. I thought I had it under control. In hindsight, I can see right. But at the time, I didn't realize the severity. But now in hindsight, looking back, yeah, it was it was really bad. It's it's it's a heightened sense of illogical alertness that's just uncontrollable.

Joel Kleber: 4:17

And when you say it became an issue, so was that a life event that sort of triggered you from then on? Or has that come about?

Billy Todd: 4:23

Yes. As it turns out, as I said, I wasn't aware of it. So I haven't gone through this further till I took some extreme steps. And was this word abandonment was mentioned. And it goes back to essentially when I was two years old when my parents split up, and from there, it just, that's where it started. For me, and there's been other other aspects throughout life, whether it's that abandoned issues come back into it, whether it might be just the breakup of a relationship, for example. And that's where it started and I didn't know that till 12 ish months ago. And what would what would have When I'd feel that at them initially what I would do, it wasn't so much the life event, but it was how I would how I would treat me, I would essentially abandoned me. So I self worth self doubt that I wasn't good enough. So things I might want to do, that attention would come back and I would just wouldn't do it. I would really just abandon then what I wanted what I needed. And yeah, just just felt I wasn't wasn't good enough. And I think that's where I again, I got that spiral effect and things just kept getting getting out of control. Yeah, that's

Joel Kleber: 5:38

when you say it's four months ago. So that's a recent sort of thing You came like, how was that via therapy? Or how did you come to that conclusion? Oh, yes.

Billy Todd: 5:46

So at the end of the start of last year, towards the end of the COVID lockdowns in Melbourne, a few things happened. And I realized how I really had neglected myself throughout the whole query process. And that created for me that combined with with relationship breakup, as well, and a few other bits and pieces that just really spiraled out of control. So I sought some help again, and as I said, I thought I had anxiety under control for quite some time, and I didn't, so I sought some help. And I took some advice. And I spent three weeks at a specialist psychiatric hospital in Sydney, now the only one in Australia to do what they do. And that was that three weeks where I live there, you know, very little access to the outside world. And it's group therapy, it's one on one therapy with a psychiatrist. I know level benify pretty quickly, that abandonment issue. And for me, from there on my life has just gone from strength to strength to strength, because I guess I have that that awareness now that when I had those feelings, it's not. It's not, it's not me. Now it's to your old beliefs. And also have now the coping mechanisms to one one, recognize it and be aware that first and foremost, the two when it does pop up, I know the things I need to do, for example, Don't abandon me, there's something I want to do, for example, exercise and eat healthy is very, very high priority. Should I do it? I do not skip it anymore. So that was how it started. It was essentially spending some time at a at a psychiatric hospital for three weeks in Sydney.

Joel Kleber: 7:13

And what were the How did they? What were the strategies that you took out from what they put in place? Because it must have been very hard to change that you've got it from, you know, from a very young age, I know you behave like a lot of your behaviors will be linked to that and like you've done it for so like it's a behavioral pattern you've done for a long, long time. How did you how did you change it? Like how, how did you work through it? How have you been able to do

Billy Todd: 7:35

I wouldn't use the word change? I don't think it's changed. It's just managed much better. You know, my dad and issues, they're always gonna be there, they haven't gone away and they won't, they will always be there. And that's okay, I'm not. I just I know how to manage it much, much better now. And I know how to feel it. I don't I don't lock it. I don't ignore it. I just I feel it now. So I know what it is. And I'm able to just just manage it by some South Wales himself here some self priority. That's it. So definitely don't use the word change. It's just awareness and management. Yeah.

Joel Kleber: 8:14

Okay. So when that when that let's say that feeling wills, Apple comes up to you, as you said, You've mentioned health and fitness and something it is something where you will just go back and feel happening or whatever I've done, go to the gym or go to the walk or, or take some action to do something with your with your strategy. Correct?

Billy Todd: 8:29

Correct. So I'm a very active person. So yes, so being physically active is important to me. But I'm also very social, I love people. So you know, I will pick up the phone, I will go spend some time with people. So there's a few coping mechanisms there that I will use. And there's also the hardest part I have found is sometimes I just have to sit there with that feeling. So not actually do anything. That's been the hardest part. Just sit there and not ignore it. Just know it's there. Just feel it. Acknowledge it for what it is. And know that it's okay. I have found that to be really hard. Just talking about that is really hard. But I think that's you know, it's just knowing that it's okay, that's that's just part of who I am. And it's just part of my my journey.

Joel Kleber: 9:21

Yeah. And we're how have you your friends or have your family responded to it or how when you've opened up to them about what's their sort of reaction? Do they relate to it or what's what have I said to you?

Billy Todd: 9:31

I wouldn't say that I realize but it's been so good. It's been bloody amazing. I've got a great group of friends from from high school and yeah, they were really really this washing site that we're still are they're so good. Anytime I have a chat the more than open. Got a brother that I speak to quite a lot. But it's also the people I work with too. So I'm very open about it and in the workplace. It's amazing how People are just great when you're open when you open up. I have not found anyone just not amazing and just open to listening. Or if you know, by ask for suggestions, people are open to giving suggestions. So yeah, friends, family, people in the workplace, it's just been absolutely amazing. It really has just just putting it out there putting putting it out there and getting a lot of love in return. Absolutely. Yeah.

Joel Kleber: 10:27

Do you think anxiety is sort of brushed over by people generally, regarding mental illness, because I think with anxiety, a lot of people, as I said at the start, don't tend to think of how debilitating it can be. And obviously, you know, firsthand how it can obviously affected your life. So do you think it's sort of there's a much as tension as it's needed on it? Or do you think it's taken as seriously as it is for the general community?

Billy Todd: 10:51

Um, I think there's certainly definitely some misconceptions out there. I can think of one conversation when I sort of raised public anxiety. And the comment I got back was, we all suffer from a bit of anxiety? And yes, we do. Absolutely. We do. It's part of it's part of being human. But yeah, and anxiety disorder is so much more than that. And I guess Yes, some people just I guess, don't quite have that understanding of that. So I in some regards, yes, I would say it is probably it is brushed over. But I would say the the awareness is growing a lot every day. Yeah.

Joel Kleber: 11:26

Yeah. Well, that's an interesting comment that someone would say that everyone gets some anxiety. I guess that is true in some way. But I think in relation to how severe it is, where it really affects your life, and it's debilitating, to a point where it alters your life really, like, it's massive and impacts your life. And I think people who don't experience it have that appreciation for how much of a debilitating illness it really is. It can be,

Billy Todd: 11:49

I think, so I think there are a lot of things in life, you have to experience it to truly understand it. And I think my experience anxiety was definitely one of those I certainly wouldn't have understand that if I hadn't experienced that. But yeah, I hope people don't experience it. But for those who do, they will have a true understanding of it. Having said that, there's still people who you know, haven't experienced anxiety disorders, but still have a reasonable understanding of it. Yeah, hopefully you've had, the more more we share, the more awareness there is, and ideally, the less people will, will suffer with it.

Joel Kleber: 12:28

And how did you come to the conclusion to go to Sydney to that place to be able to the facility that to help? Because that's a pretty big step. And it's obviously not, you must have got to a point where you thought this is so serious, I really need to take some sort of drastic action. So how did you get to that? And And how'd you find that list?

Billy Todd: 12:44

Yeah, it was a mixture of different things, as I said, I was so I was 41 or two at the time. And I was diagnosed over a decade before that. And when I was officially diagnosed many years ago, you know, I had medication and sort of professional health for quite some time. And that went on for a couple of years. And I thought I really did think I had it under control. But then once I realized that, as I said, at the end of the code, unlock the ends, and very early 2022. Once I realized how much I didn't have it under control, I just spiraled. And I started to realize a lot upon reflection about how it was impacting my decisions, it was very inhibited. A lot of things I wanted to do, I just wasn't was impacting relationships, because I would just get very withdrawn. I would abandon as I said, on abandoned myself, but I'd also sort of abandoned my relationship with other people when I'd feel those those feelings. As far as I got really bad, it was just by pure chance, and someone said to so if you thought about something like this, and prior to that I hadn't. But I'm glad that they did. But that's come about just by sharing where I was that what I was feeling. And just by chance that come out. And I just took the chance and just did it because I knew I had to do something once I had that awareness of, of how, you know, I didn't have it under control and how it was controlling me, I had to do some something. Unfortunately, the first major thing I did is since I've

Joel Kleber: 14:10

worked really well. And how did the lock, you mentioned the lock down a couple of times with it. So I'm in Melbourne as well. And we remember that time. So maybe just talk about what happened during that or how did it exacerbate or how did it? Yeah. So it was tough. It was tough for a lot of people and I think it's something we still brush over a bit where everyone says, you know, mental health has affected during the lockdown, but no one really talks about how it actually affected individuals or what what are some of the circumstances.

Billy Todd: 14:38

Yes, so it's interesting when when COVID started to really ramp up in Melbourne, you know, 2020 roundabout, April May. It's very, I guess, a chaotic time. And interestingly, I felt somewhat comfortable in that timeframe and I've done a bit of research why and people the anxiety they're very heightened anyway, so in a chaotic environment, it's almost the ones comfortable and I put a lot of time and focus to make sure that other people that I was doing what I could to help other people, which again, comes back to, you know, spending a lot of time and COVID trying to do that. And it comes back to again, I've been in me, for that whole time I abandoned me. And so I really, I love people. So you take the ability to be able to socialize more out of it. The fact that I was abandoning me, it just, it just, again, it just got worse and worse that I, as I said, I was, I just wasn't feeling I was allowing myself to feel or to acknowledge. But all of a sudden, when it did that, basically two years worth just kind of flooding in one in one go. Instead of drip feeding it over. That's like, yes. Because I started to feel whatever I was feeling at the time, because it was yeah, it was a great, great environment. It was it was really tough. And that's okay. But I guess when I bought it, it just built up. And yeah, so that for me, that's what it was, it was then may not focusing on me completely neglecting me. And then all that just rushing back at once. It was it was hard. Yeah.

Joel Kleber: 16:12

And when you when you when you say advocate, you're an advocate as well for mental health. So what do you do from an advocacy? Sorry, level? You do some public speaking around it? Or how do you help others with it? Or what do you say to people that

Billy Todd: 16:23

I want to do some public speaking, I'm not one of my anxieties, I still, I'm much better with it these days that I do suffer from some self worth issues, and a lot of self doubt, which is something I'm constantly working through. And doing public speaking, doing. What I'm doing right here, right now does take me out of my comfort zone a little bit. Hence, the reason why I really enjoy doing it. But yeah, I want to do some more public speaking, blog writing. But at the moment, while I'm doing more obvious, making sure I'm having conversations really open about my experience, and very important that it's my experience, and what I've done has worked for me, but it might not work for someone else. But just to have the conversation to say, look, have you thought of this? Have you thought of that? Try something just had a conversation? You know, I, I might say, I relate to you, because it's all different. But I want you to know, you're not alone. So when at the moment mobile advocacy, and really just making sure I'm sharing my experience, just more than anything people know, they're not alone. And you know, it is it is okay, to start right. And to go through it. And there are ways to to help make it work for you. So at the moment, it's really just about sharing my experience more than anything else. Yeah. But I do want to evolve that into public speaking and some writing as well.

Joel Kleber: 17:41

Awesome. And you mentioned self doubt. So I think that's something where I'm like, oh, yeah, well, everyone's got some stuff there. Let's talk about that. Because that let's go into some, how do you deal with it? And this is something that a lot everyday most people could relate to? How do you deal with self doubt self esteem? What are some things that you find or some strategies that you've, you've obviously put a lot of work into yourself with this sort of stuff. So what's what's some items that you can share around because it's definitely something most people would would be able to relate to?

Billy Todd: 18:09

The biggest one that I found that works for me is to get back to the facts. So you have these inner thoughts of going and it's not, you're not capable, or you're not good enough, or whatever it might be. Where's the facts to back that up? You know, is it just some inner voice telling you this, which probably is the worst effects of backing up? You're not capable of doing x y Zed? Okay, where's the facts? And what else have I done that might have been very similar? And that I have that I have? For me, it's really looking at the facts ago. Okay, well, what facts make up make up this thought. And that's what's really helped for me. So when I think about the putting myself out there to public speaking in the south now, what's still progressing and moving forward is we'll actually have done a little bit of it before. So I've got to reflect on that and think about that and focus on that and say, no, no, I can do this. I've been told I'm a good speaker. Okay. I have to refocus on that and not this voice in my head going, No, you're not good enough. So for me, that's been my biggest one is looking at the facts. And also just sharing with other people and listening to what other people say other people's opinions have made. You know, we all have our blinkers on we'll have our blind spots and being aware of my, my inner critic is quite severe. I've even given them a name. You're quite severe. I've got to be mindful of that and look at other opinions of people who I whose opinions I value and respect. And sometimes it's hard to to hear those opinions even when our positive weirdly enough, sometimes it's hard to hear that. But as you started to have to keep pushing through Yeah,

Joel Kleber: 19:46

it's a good it's a good sign you just said which was getting back to the facts and that's it's very important for the people that you know, and as you said the inner critic. You know, a lot of people have this. It's crazy, like you wouldn't be friends if somebody spoke to you the way some people would speak to themselves. All right. So and then being able to take a compliment, which is people thinks an easy thing, which a lot of people feel real weird and awkward about, which says, It's unfortunately a bit of a state of our society where people find it really hard to take a compliment.

Billy Todd: 20:12

Yeah, yeah, no, I, I do give myself a good pat on the back for that I'm, I'm at a stage now where I still catch myself sometimes with a compliment. I pause before I'll appreciate and take it for what it is. But I am able to now take a compliment. Whereas previously, I would have in my mind, my mindset would have been that that's not right. But the inner critic, it's interesting I did, I'll just share with what I've done. I've been a critic. And so I've given my inner critic a name and an alter ego. That way, when I hear these inner voices, it doesn't come from Billy it comes from this old regular creator. And I've given him a name, his name is Pablo. Why I come up with it was it's interesting, but it really works. And I've taught a few people and they've gotten a lot out of it. So I, you know, I realized all these inner thoughts, and I thought, well, they're not me, I, this is not me. That's just I was watching a movie and it was a character with an evil him on one shoulder and attacked him on the other shoulder. And now we're talking to each other. And I've got the idea to create an alter ego. And so I've given him a name with a What's the opposite of me? I'm tall. So all right, we'll go with someone short. I got like features we got someone with dark features. I'm quite a passive individuals on the go someone who's quite an aggressive so I come up with a Pablo. So when I hear those voices, now, I'm not greater, but I'm getting much better. I get those voices. Now I talked about like, it's somebody else, like it's public. That way, it's not

Joel Kleber: 21:33

you suffering from yourself, you know, it's not exactly right. Yeah. Yeah.

Billy Todd: 21:37

Yeah. So it was it's a fun process to edit. I've found it fun. It's, it's working. It's getting much, much better. But I love sharing that because a lot of people have gotten something out of it. And other people have copied it. Not necessarily Pablo, but was something that's not a different personality. But I'd like to share that. Yeah,

Joel Kleber: 21:59

yeah. Well, I think separately, I think separating that can really, really help. Because if he's telling us, you know, just having that separate, and being able to identify and recognize it, and separate it out from yourself, is really, really important. That might sound like a simple thing. But I think it's something that if you can practice that, or put that in place, that will definitely help because self doubt and self criticism, unfortunately, is something that people just live inside their head and do it all the time. And it really prevents them from achieving what they really want to do. Yeah, it's

Billy Todd: 22:24

very, very inhibitive. As I said, I combined that with my, my abandonment issues, and just my abandonment of myself, and then I just wasn't living.

Joel Kleber: 22:35

So it's like you're torturing yourself almost 24 hours and you can't get away from it. Really, it's something that's people don't appreciate. It's a form

Billy Todd: 22:43

of torture. It really is. Yeah, absolutely. It's not fun. It's, it's not, it's not conducive to just a good fun life, it's really not.

Joel Kleber: 22:51

And how else are you able to start your mind? Or have you been able to control those thoughts? Obviously, you've got the alter ego, which you separate, when there's negative self talk, what else do you find helps?

Billy Todd: 23:01

I'll share? Yeah, I'll definitely share some of my thoughts I have. So for example, public speaking is a great one. And I want to do some writing, I want to write a book. But I constantly have this one, I'm really not that good. I'm not. I will tell people, This is what I want to do. And I will, I won't tell them about my thoughts like I just did, they'll say, Well, I want to write a book I do, I want to do some public speaking, this is what I want to do, this is important to me. And I will just get their feedback. And I'm in a better place now to take on board positive feedback. So I find that just by getting their feedback, listening to how they perceive me, and knowing that I have this inner critic is quite powerful, becoming less and less powerful, which is good. So just by sharing my thoughts, and what I want to achieve, and what I want to do, not keeping it to myself, I used to, and the big thing, I'm a big reflector, and I used to take a lot of that to myself, was all white. And now I'll just share and share and share. So that's something I do a lot. I will talk to public conversation. People, I do it out loud, obviously, when I'm on my own, just to get the voice out to get it out of my head out into the open. And I think it's different when you can hear it actually adds a lot more weight to the words. So you can actually hear and go look at that. That's just silly. So I'll do that. And I will just listen to a lot of experts in the field if they want to. I have learned my time in cities, these experts are experts for a reason. You know, prior to that, I always had a lot of doubts. What would they know it's different for everyone but know that they're experts for a reason. Listen to what they have to say and do something. And that's quite a lot to do now.

Joel Kleber: 24:49

So I was gonna You did something because a lot of people don't do anything and that's a big problem is they don't do anything and they might lose 15 years of having something where they could be happy and it's just gone. because they haven't done something as you, as you said, then

Billy Todd: 25:03

likely I did lose over a decade ultimately, motions, I lose my big extreme word that I waited that long. I wish I did it, but I'm at the same time. I'm glad I did what I did. Yeah,

Joel Kleber: 25:15

yeah, no, I mean, yeah, it's not losing it. But you don't have that. You sort of when you get to that stage, when you get the help, and you've got it, you realize, oh, geez, how much maybe better? Or how much more blessed thinking all the time in my head? I would have been in that time. And, yeah, that's definitely something where a lot of people might have that. Almost a little bit of regret in that way. Because I realize how easy it is to when you get the help? Or how much of a burden off your shoulders it is.

Billy Todd: 25:39

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I think it's important just to just do something, it may not work first time, you may not strike God, you might not get lucky. But that's okay. Just the fact that you are actively trying to do something I think is it's such a huge positive. And it's, you will progress because of that.

Joel Kleber: 25:59

And how do you have to maintain it moving forward? Like how do you have to manage your, your conditions? There's something just from the strategies they've given you? Or is it a regular psychologist? Or what do you do,

Billy Todd: 26:10

you have to have a psychologist, and it's worth sharing, and a lot of challenging. So he will, he will challenge me with almost everything, which is good. So I find that that's, I'm capturing a lot of my inner thoughts, or even critics that I wouldn't have otherwise. So I will say something and he will go, blah, blah, blah. And a couple of things have to stop my head now. But so a lot of challenging. And it's just helping me realize there's more inner thoughts there that I guess than I was aware of. So there's that. Keeping very active. As I said, I do take my health and fitness very seriously, these days, things like the gym at least five or six times a week, if not every day. I'm very focused on my food very, very focused on my food. So try not to eat, or have very little processed or refined sugars or anything like that. Try to be very clean diet. And where possible. And sometimes it's hard when life's busy, but just be very social, very social.

Joel Kleber: 27:15

And when you say challenging, I think the example the sort of what I think in my head is Eve you might say something he's asking and you say something negative about yourself or something. Maybe that not that's maybe not true. And he knows it's not true. And he calls you back out and it's a stop you and your thought pattern. And then you realize, and then I think it's just multiple, is that something where you just have to have multiple times that happening out and so that you slowly over time you do it less and less, or you you know,

Billy Todd: 27:38

100%? Just exactly when it pops up, I'll say I had to go to the gym six times a week. And you'd be like, Well, do you have to be something like that? And it was getting me thinking and the words are power? Yeah, we either anyway, I'll say something. And I believe it starts out I'm gonna be very mindful the words I use. So just even just things like that, you know, I must do this. Well, you have to?

Joel Kleber: 28:06

So have you been able to reframe it in a positive sense then for yourself? Have you been Have you been able to change it up? yourself in regards how you speak yourself? Or how you think about

Billy Todd: 28:14

I'm quite often change my words quite a lot. As I've said before, when I said you know, wasted attendees, I sort of changed my words on purpose right there. And then. So when I find myself capturing the words is not quite right, I will actively change it to what feels right.

Joel Kleber: 28:32

And that takes a bit to get to that. Because that's not something where because you as you said, You've got to actually listen, listen to what you're saying. Because other people just say little words like what I'm doing, but you've got a listen to what you say catch yourself. And then it's a skill almost in a way you've got to develop.

Billy Todd: 28:45

Correct? Correct. And I wouldn't say I'm an expert at it. A long way to go. Yeah, but definitely getting much, much better. And it's, it's, yeah, I think it's just being mindful, being mindful of the words you're using actually focusing on the words instead of just just blurting them out. And I find I get a lot of that from from journaling. I've mentioned I do a bit of journaling now. So I find that that helps me be more mindful, I can actually say that it's not just the words I'm saying, but I'm when I'm journaling, I'm actually writing it and seeing it and being very visual person that can be quite powerful too. So that helps as well.

Joel Kleber: 29:18

Now with mental health awareness and movement in Australia at the moment, there's obviously a lot of awareness around it. But there's still a big problem that doesn't seem to be making too much of a dent. From your perspective and from your interest in it. What do you think needs to happen more? Or what would you like to see in terms of areas focused on or what do you think needs to happen moving forward to help it progress beyond what's currently happening?

Billy Todd: 29:38

Well, I think there's definitely a lot more awareness these days and I think that's great. I think we had I think Mike I think this is unbiased. This is what I'm just trying to do, but I think we need more people who are have lived experience sharing. You know, I think about that myself and I've reflected on this quite a lot, you know, come From a, a blue collar environment, and I'm a bigger guy, young man that shouldn't suffer. And I think that was part of the issue when I was growing up and had this ego that should fit with how I physically look. And the reality is I'm actually quite a sensitive guy, I've realized that and I want to share and I think if people, if we can get more people to share their experience from all different walks of life, the sharing, and letting everybody know that it's okay, and it doesn't matter who you are, we're all we're all human. It's the one thing we all have in common is we are all human. And we are all going to suffer from something and that's okay to share it be out there know that you're not alone. And it's certainly more awareness. I think we just need more personal sharing, to be more personal. I see.

Joel Kleber: 30:54

Well, I think there's certain demographics who don't like as you said, you know, more blokes tend to suffer more in silence and won't share as much when let's say, you know, more, more other, maybe younger women or whatever, might be more inclined to talk to their friends, whereas the blokes why. And as we know that, under 40, you know, the biggest killer of men, is it suicide? Right? So it's a big, it's a big, big issue, that's still not there. Also, you mentioned journaling, so maybe someone doesn't want to I guess, maybe talk to someone, maybe journaling could be the thing for them to share. What else? What else have you tried? Or what else from your experience? Can you recommend?

Billy Todd: 31:30

Obviously, journaling, talking, sharing quite a lot. Just constant learning, listening to experts, listen to a lot of podcasts, read a lot of books, via YouTube. But also, at the same time being very mindful of who what sources you're getting the information from,

Joel Kleber: 31:48

when you get yours from what what are some good recommendations for pods for YouTube channel, what ones have you found helps you.

Billy Todd: 31:53

So that's what I'm finding works with me a lot is actually the podcast focus on sort of physical health, because I found the connection between the mind and the body that I really have. And that's why for me, it's such a big focus on my physical health. So I listened to Andrew Juma and Max Louis, and they very focused on on the physical health. And for me, as I said, I've noticed that connection, I find that just by focusing on my physical health, is also helping my mental health. So very big into those areas, and very science based too, so takes a bit of opinion out which, which, which I like. So that there's a couple there. In regards to some more, I guess, psychology based ones, trying to think now you've caught me off guard there. I can't think that I'm really coming to mind with YouTube, but we just random clips, but I will then purposely go away and research that person who might have spoken about that. Just to be sure, I do a lot of reading. There's a lot of people in the past, we've got some some, some great information as a psychiatrist, I think from the 50s, called William Glazer. And he come up with a learning model. And basically what it was that you you learn more than this, or you learn the most when you teach. And I really believe that the more I speak about my experience, the more I guess you can say, I'm teaching really, it's kind of a selfish thing is I'm learning the most. So for me just kept getting those ideas and putting them in practice and feeling it and just knowing how this works for me. Yeah, that's, that's that's what I've been doing. Yeah,

Joel Kleber: 33:29

it also and is it something where you commit hours a week to it? Or is it just something you just constantly do every day? You've got let's say, You're the gym, you got the podcasts in the run, and you're learning stuff consciously? You know, via osmosis almost in a way you absorb it, or is it? Yeah,

Billy Todd: 33:42

everyday, everyday, I will do something every day. I used to go to the gym, how a lot of the music in the years. I've actually stopped doing that. Now I have no at the gym. For me, for example. There's no podcast, no music, it's I'm actually practicing very much baldness at the gym. So I want to be really focused on what I am there to do. And that's all that matters, right? While I'm there. So no music, no podcast. And I find that that's working for me really, really well. Constantly in the car though. That's my podcast time. At night, it's there's some podcasts or some reading, but every day there is time allocated to do something to continue my learning and growth. Yeah, absolutely.

Joel Kleber: 34:23

Yeah, the gym without music is very tough. It's definitely a very musics a crutch, isn't it? Almost an AI so to take that away is very, very impressive. It's not something I could do. But I've heard a few people. There's a guy called David Goggins who I really like a lot and he says, If you should not wear him, you have music at the gym whatsoever. It's cheating and definitely should not have it if you can.

Billy Todd: 34:42

Well, I found my progress. I've only gone with that music now for a couple of weeks, three, four weeks, and I found just going to pray for weeks. The progress is quite extensive. In terms of some of the some of the weights I'm doing I think it's just because I am actually focused on the white focus on the form not getting distracted with any any, any songs or might be singing along to, for example, yeah, the time in between the sets, I'm very focused on that. And it's just yeah, there's no distractions. Because I think the music even though music is something I, I really enjoy, and I use music a lot with my moods, I'll use music to get me pumped up, or I'll use music to help me relax or use music to I'll have music on the background during the day if I'm working from home to help me focus. And I used to do the same in the gym, I'd have the music on but then I've found that by taking that away, it's just helped me really just be very mindful, very, very focused and have no no distractions, and the progress is amazing.

Joel Kleber: 35:38

Yeah. And have you found the mental health system? In terms of accessing health? Or the quality of health? Have you found it from your experience?

Billy Todd: 35:46

My experience has been great. I have found as I said, I was fortunate enough to find the facility in Sydney and glad I did. So my I've had some great psychologists, psychiatrists, that facility in Sydney, I've I've found, if you put yourself out there enough times, it's obviously it's the the system is under strain at the moment. We know that. But you just need to persist. And there are facilities there and there are people there to help. You just need to be persistent. And and put yourself out

Joel Kleber: 36:24

there. Now maybe people I don't think people might be aware that you can there are facilities for specific issues or disorders, which I didn't. Like I didn't I sort of knew that. But I didn't really know that that's, you know, there was a specific one that specialized in Sydney out of Australia just for you for that. For that for that situation you had and that can really targeted idli help you

Billy Todd: 36:45

well, that that wasn't specific for anxiety, for example. But what they do it's it's a mental health addictions, they have a certain model, I guess that they use the model. Okay. Yes, the model. It's, it's not a big facility, I think they can pay to for 54 people at a time. And I said, you're in there for three weeks. It's a revolving door. But it's the one of the client in Australia. And it's it's very capital, South Pacific private as well. It's kind

Joel Kleber: 37:15

of what attracts you to the model. How did you? Was that something that you found out yourself a model? Or how did you? How did you come to the conclusion that would work for you more, more? More? The question,

Billy Todd: 37:23

I actually didn't say, just say it was sent to me to say, Hey, have you thought about this? Actually, I'll send it to two more pylon collectors. He said it was my ex wife. We still get along very well. And then we split up nearly a decade ago. And I did some research and it just sounded different. Gave them a call. I wouldn't say I was like, Yeah, this is what I need. I certainly didn't think that I just knew I had to do something. I knew I had to do a lot more than why I was doing. So it was just, I guess luck chance and willing to take that chance. I was able to put myself in that position to reap the benefits. But no, I certainly at no stage thought yeah, this is for me, it was just a matter of I need to do something. And

Joel Kleber: 38:05

that was that. That was what you that was what you tried. Yeah, that

Billy Todd: 38:08

was what it was. Yeah. And I'm so grateful that I did. Yeah.

Joel Kleber: 38:12

Awesome. Now, is there anything else? Really I should ask you that you want to maybe talk about that? I haven't asked you in terms of questions, or No, I think

Billy Todd: 38:19

as I said, but I just want anyone watching this and listening to just know that it's really my experiences. It's really okay, if you're soccer in the shed. It's not easy. And obviously you need to be you will need to be selected. You need to be comfortable with who you share it, but it really is okay, people, people are understanding, they're awesome. People want to help. People want to listen. People want to give you their shoulder to lean on. I haven't had too many people at all that I just haven't got to talk to and walk away and just be like, Wow, they're awesome. People are amazing. They really are. As I said, you might get some common to hear from people who don't quite understand and that's okay, because they don't quite understand. And that's okay. It doesn't mean that I don't want to, or they're not going to try to so more than anything, just have a conversation, someone that you you just feel you can have that conversation with. Reach out to me, you'll find me on LinkedIn, please do this just have a conversation or starting the conversation. That's where it all starts just communicate chat, whatever it might be, just get it out there. There's there's people there. There's facilities there, there's a system there. You know, there is help, there really is help. There really is

Joel Kleber: 39:41

how awesome be Thank you very much for your time and for reaching out appreciate you sharing your story and all the experience and well done on what you've done to be able to pull yourself into this scenario that you are in now. So thank you very much for sharing that and letting go others that's okay. Thanks very much. Thanks for your time. Thank you. Nice. The other big thanks to Billy for sharing his throne that wouldn't it wasn't easy for him as a video version as well. And you can watch that on our YouTube channel on the social medias. But huge thanks to Billy for having the courage to share his story. And I hope you got a lot out of it about anxiety. Like, as I said at the start, you know, for me, I was always like, depression, anxiety, you know, it's nothing compared to bipolar, because all that sort of stuff. And that attitude, I've definitely changed from interviewing people with anxiety because just how serious it can be and had lifelong debilitating it can be so big thanks to Billy for educating me a lot on that. And also, hopefully, you got a lot you got a lot out of it as well. If you do want to share your story, like Billy and others experience very, very easily just contact me via live experience podcast.com And we'll have an email soon that you can sort out there's a bit of an issue with the domain and stuff like that, but I will put that in there eventually. But you do want to leave a review, which really helps the show and rank higher, please make sure you do so as well. Until next time and next episode. I hope you have a great week.