I have lost 5 years of my life to Bipolar Disorder! Interview with Tim Beanland

Transcript

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Tim, thank you for joining us on our first lived experience episode after a very long time off.

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I won't go into it too much.

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I might do another episode why I took so much time off, but great to have you on.

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Tim's been on a couple of times before to share his story about bipolar disorder and running a business, and Tim wanted to come back on and just sort of talk about his new insights you've gained with your illness and some more, let's say, different thoughts regarding bipolar disorder and how you view things now.

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So welcome back, Tim, and thanks for jumping on.

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Mate, thank you for trusting me to be the guest back after a break.

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That's awesome.

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I appreciate it and, yeah, happy to be here.

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All good mate, no worries.

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So, with you coming back on, you told me before we did this you had some thoughts about, about your mental illness and about um and how people should approach that in regards to if you, let's say, if you have bipolar disorder or, let's say, another serious mental health challenge.

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So do you want to just talk about those insights and just tell us a bit?

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So October 2023 to October 2024, I spent depressed.

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So 12 months, 12 months, yeah, 12 months.

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I've done the math on amount of episodes.

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I've had five episodes since I've been diagnosed of depression and one manic.

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All of those five episodes have lasted 12 months.

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So that's five years.

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I'm 31.

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I just turned 31.

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So five years of my life has been spent in a depressed state.

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The funny thing that I'm starting to realize is I can't control when the depression happens, but I sure as hell can control how long it lasts, and what I mean by that is depression will hit you, but then what happens is you spend this amount of time just down and bad.

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It's hard and everything's hard.

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Everything from replying to a message to getting out of bed to even going for a walk around the block is hard.

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But what's harder is staying there, is staying in that state, and the benefit of bipolar is once you start to get the medication right and you start to get the lifestyle right and you reach back out again and you have your appointments with your doctors.

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The benefit of someone with bipolar one or two is your swing up can be quite quick.

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So, even though I spend 12 months depressed, when I start to get the things moving.

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I recovered probably in about two weeks.

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Oh wow, but it got me.

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It took 12 months to get to that, two weeks to have everything in line to actually upswing.

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You know which is stuffed, which is very stuffed.

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But what I've learned this time around is you theoretically should be able to control the length at which you are in that depressive episode.

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You control that by having systems in place so that when you start to feel it coming on, you tell the person, you reach out to the psychologist.

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You have so for me now, because the scary thing is my wife didn't know.

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She knew I wasn't like 100%, she knew I wasn't doing much work, but you put this outward mask on and we've had some really scary chats where she's like Tim, I didn't realize it was that bad, I didn't realize it was that bad.

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And it got to the point where I was.

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I explained some things to her that were quite confronting and she said I just didn't know it was that bad.

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I knew it was bad, but it wasn't, until everyone in the business space started.

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They started contacting her and they went Tim's not okay, tim's not okay.

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Lisa thought I was fine and so she got angry at me because the image of what I was portraying was not what was actually happening and she basically was like you're lying to me.

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And it took her in and we developed the plan, and that plan was rigid.

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It was do these things, do these things, do these things?

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Accountability and then recovery.

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So now we have systems in place so that if I feel myself slipping, I tell her she calls a certain friend that lives 20 minutes away, right, and that friend is in business.

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They understand certain situational problems that I have, right.

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So Lisa calls him, he comes over, we go for a drive down to Anglesey and we walk on Long Beach, right, and that's a system that we've put in place, because if you can't control the depression, but you can control the length by the things that you put in place.

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That's something that's very interesting to me.

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It's going to be difficult.

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I don't know when and, yeah, I had a birthday party and two of my mentors who were there, who care about this stuff.

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One of them said, oh, I don't think Tim's going to slip again.

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He's putting stuff in place.

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I don't think he's going to slip again.

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And the older mentor said no, he is going to slip again.

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Right, it is going to happen, but this time you just can't make it be 12 months.

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So those are the sort of the new insights.

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It's this idea that you can't control the depression but you can control how it affects you.

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And I think that'll be a very unpopular opinion, because a lot of people use their mental health as an excuse, they use it as a crutch.

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They say I can't do this because I have blank right.

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For me that's just not enjoyable, that's not a way to live life, because I've seen what a depressed life looks like.

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I've seen what a great life looks like.

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I've seen what a great life looks like.

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How can we just maintain it?

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And I'll stop rambling, I'll get you to ask me questions.

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The other thing that I've learned is treatment of bipolar.

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Apparently, according to my GPs and my psychologist, according to my GPs and my psychologists, everyone with bipolar, all of their bipolar clients or customers or patients, they're all doing things above the normal, above what is considered normal activity.

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So the treatment of bipolar is actually in slightly higher elevation, because the elevation is easier to treat than a depression.

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So they're like if we can get you just up, so here's baseline and then just a little bit above that.

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That's apparently the treatment line according to my GP and professionals around me.

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Don't know about anyone else, but I thought that was interesting.

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Yeah, it sounds interesting to me, but it'd be very you're playing a fire, though, especially if someone's more prone to mania or hypomania I guess and keeping them above there.

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How would you do that, especially when tolerance of medication you know if they're on lithium or whatever that tolerance you?

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Know they become way more tolerant to that, and then you start stuffing around medication, and so it's a bit of a fine line but it's, it's a dangerous, it's, it's absolutely, yeah, absolutely, I think.

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Therefore, then, it depends on the individual.

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Yes, correct, yeah, like, can that individual bear a little bit of elevation?

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well, it's a great point because, um, I'll sort of think about this out the other day.

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So because you went like 12 months, like it's a long time, and you know when you look at it and you go, geez, five years lost and you know like what people don't understand, I think, by mental health and depression, the people who just dismiss it.

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I think it's still a lot of people just when they hear someone depressed and mental health challenges, a lot of people scoff at it.

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Still, I think I think that's the case until it affects and I never know.

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But, um, the thing for me is like I like just for the layman, like what's stopping you from you realize all this stuff?

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You're a smart guy, you know this sort of stuff, but when you're in it, what's stopping you from just pull, like how is that?

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How do you pull yourself out of it all?

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Like why is it after 12 months that you suddenly then pull yourself out of it?

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You can't do that after three months or six months.

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Like what's the moment?

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Or what stops someone in your position from doing that, when you know exactly what's going on and what you should do?

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But it's hard to do it.

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I can't speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself.

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Depressed me is a master of avoidance.

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I will procrastinate messages I will avoid.

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I will turn the phone on flight mode.

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You can't even reach me, right.

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I will turn it on flight mode so I don't get text messages.

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I will not be on Facebook during the day because that little active sign.

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Yeah Right, you know.

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So I'll go on Facebook at frigging 1 am.

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Right.

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You're a little green on message.

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Yeah, I get you.

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Yeah, my brain will start thinking of the most genius ways to avoid absolutely everything.

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And I become amazing at Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros, or Madden or whatever it is, and I every activity that I can possibly do to avoid.

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I, I, I'm in my office right now.

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The office door gets closed, right, the, the, the, the blinds, everything's shut, right it's.

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It's just this big avoidance pattern of the things that, because the trigger will happen, and then for me, because I'm in business, I'll have a whole bunch of clients and the worst thing is some of those clients then you know they can't get on to me, right, and I'm fixing that, I'm very much fixing that, but that guilt of avoidance, avoidance, and then the guilt keeps coming in.

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So then you avoid more and you avoid more.

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And it's not until you actually type out and reach out to these people 98% of people when I come back out and I say look, I'm sorry, this is what's happened.

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You know, I had a personal situation which sparked a depression.

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I'm going to fix your work, I'm going to finish it for you.

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A lot of people they come back and they say I was just worried about you, I didn't care about the work, you know.

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So we're living in this time where there's still 2% of people, which is a lot relative to population size there's still 2% of people, which is a lot relative to population size.

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There's still 2% of people that won't care, they won't empathize and they won't sympathize.

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But I've been very fortunate with a lot of clients who they go hey, if you can get the work done, that's cool.

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But we were just worried about you, so that's cool.

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But what's even better is is putting stuff in place so that that doesn't happen, right, um, but the guilt of that, right?

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So all of that you're asking.

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You ask the question how, why don't I do the thing?

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Because then, like, your brain starts going well, if I can't respond to that person, well, why do I get to go outside and have a walk and why do I get to go and do fun stuff?

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because you punish yourself yeah, you're punishing yourself, exactly yeah, you're punishing yourself and, um, your brain gets very good at then avoiding that situation.

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But the ironic thing is facing those tough things, facing like sending message, finishing the video, finishing the thing.

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That is ironically, what then makes you?

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And for a long time, psychologists were like, oh, how are you?

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I'm like okay.

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So now I'm back to 70%.

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They're like, okay, well, what's the 30%?

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Well, okay, I need to catch up with Joel.

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I need to message Joel this week, right, and then I'll message you Okay, great, now I'm at 80%.

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I've reconnected with Joel, all right, now you're at 90%.

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What's that last 10%?

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That last 10% is then work, meaningful work, like, and then responding it's almost an immediate.

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The fucked up thing is it's almost an immediate fix.

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It's almost an immediate fix once you start doing that stuff and and I think I'm yeah, it's, it's very cool, like, it's very cool and, uh, I think it's funny because the treatment of depression, like the medication alone, won't get you out of it, but it will put you in a position where you can start doing the things that actually will.

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So it's medication, and then situational and that's the.

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Yeah, that's the.

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So, yeah, you don't do the stuff because you're ironically avoiding the stuff.

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But then eventually it either you get fed up, right.

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You start to get angry.

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You go okay, stuff, this I'm angry, like I got angry at myself.

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Like this is another 12 months, right?

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Or someone in your life is fantastic enough to get angry at you, right?

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So my wife, who is South African, was like I get it, I get you're unwell, but it's been 12 months, it's time to do something.

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Yeah.

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Like you can't just sit around and do nothing.

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Yeah, like I don't care if you're doing nothing, but then if you're not doing anything to actually improve your situation, I can't even help you, right?

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So this time it was my wife getting angry and upset with me, quite rightly.

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That was the thing that pulled me out of it, because sometimes you're so insular in like your own little world.

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It takes someone to actually come and give you the hard love that you need and there's a right time and a right place for that.

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The last depressive episode before this one was my uncle.

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That you need, and there's a right time and a right place for that.

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The last depressive episode before this one, it was my uncle that did that.

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This time it was my wife that did it, you know, and yeah, like, and it wasn't even, it wasn't a yelling at, it was just a stern, like I get it, I understand, but it's been 12 months.

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What are you doing?

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Like we need to go and see your psychologist?

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What's months?

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What are you doing like we need to go and see your psychologist?

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What's the steps?

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And I think the south african kind of mindset of like being very practical and pragmatic and this is a goal.

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And then you know there's a really good south african phrase called boom aka plan, which is, um, the farmer will make a plan, and that's that's just.

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It's one of their philosophies.

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It's like you make a plan, you do it, and that helped this time.

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That really fucking helped yeah.

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I think, yeah, it's interesting with bipolar and how it's looked at and how it's treated.

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So just from people who don't know like how does like.

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Obviously a psychiatrist will prescribe you with medications and anything else.

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How does a psychologist help in your situation?

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Yeah, so the psychiatrist is medical.

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My psychiatrist is good because he will do some of the talking.

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He's a good guy.

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He's also South African.

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I surround myself with South Africans.

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They're tough people, yeah.

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Hard workers, they're just hard workers.

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Like there's a guy on the gyms one loser gyms and he's South African.

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Every time he comes up I'm like this guy's cool.

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But the psychologist helps with the day-to-day, the tactics, the how are you going?

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This is the strategy, this is the okay, tim, you're saying that you're waking up at 1 pm and you're closing the blinds and you're making the room dark and then you're staying there until 5.

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And it's like well, instead of that, why don't you try this and why don't you try this?

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And it's just someone there that isn't judging you, but they're giving you the practical stuff to go and do.

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And sometimes it's a case of they're telling you the same thing, and sometimes it's we talked about this last month and you're not doing it and my psychologist her name's Ebony, she's great, she'll probably listen to this as well and it's always been about what?

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Okay, we understand that you're in a bad space, but like, what can we do?

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What's the practical thing?

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And a lot of men's mental health isn't really emotional.

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It's based around situational things that have happened and then managing those.

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But like, we need a plan.

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Like for me it's like okay, you can tell me to go for a walk, but why should I go for a walk?

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A lot of it is just we need solutions because we're stuck in our own head.

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Um, yeah, so that's what the cycle the psychologist does is.

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It's it's continually working on, and this is what I um, what we're working on now, like we'll have a session in march of like okay, so now we're working on now, like we'll have a session in March of like okay, so now we're back to a baseline.

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Yeah, what are we putting in place for when it happens again?

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That's the thing, I think with bipolar, that I always found the issue with my mum was I'm never going to go back in a psychiatric ward again or whatever, and then things will be good and then just revert back to old patterns, the old stuff not eat well, not exercise, and then just not manage it.

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Well, and there was no.

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The intention was always good, but it was just no.

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It just never worked out that way.

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So, like from a like you have a daily checklist you tick off, or do you have like an app or something where you mark things off that you have to do, or how do you manage it yourself?

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I?

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mean that could yeah, that could work for other people having checklists and whatever.

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For me, I just have non-negotiables Right, it is a non-negotiable that.

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So I could share my screen now and I could show you my calendar.

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From 7 am to 10 am, I've got a big block every day that says protect, this time for well-being.

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Awesome, and what that means is my day always goes well.

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If I get up, go straight, don't even think about it, go straight in the shower, because if you think about that, you're going to stay in bed.

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So don't even think about it, go straight in the shower.

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Thanks to our mate jim, I've actually started doing cold showers because I remember yeah, yeah yeah.

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So, um, you know, because I remember in the podcast that we did with him uh, he mentioned it right.

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So I was like okay, there has to be something.

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I had a few other friend, right.

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So then bang cold shower.

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Boom, I'm awake.

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I'm not gonna go right.

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I gotta do that, because then I'm not going to go right, I've got to do that because then I'm not going to go back to bed.

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Jim does it after a run, so Jim gets hot and sweaty first.

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That's kind of cheating, yeah, it is.

00:19:33.207 --> 00:19:42.989
So he does his treadmill first I like it, but it's kind of cheating yeah so he's not as tough as what you might think with that, but you're tougher than him if you do it with no exercise.

00:19:43.068 --> 00:19:45.673
No, no, look, it's still cold exposure, it's fine.

00:19:45.673 --> 00:19:51.617
So I've never been a rah-rah motivation cold shower person until the last three months, right.

00:19:51.617 --> 00:19:53.806
So there's that.

00:19:53.806 --> 00:19:55.547
And then go for a walk with the dog.

00:19:55.547 --> 00:20:01.469
You know, he got to a stage as well, depressed, where the dog didn't go for a walk for two or three months.

00:20:01.469 --> 00:20:03.844
Really, that's just not fair.

00:20:03.844 --> 00:20:05.688
That's just not fair on the dog.

00:20:05.688 --> 00:20:10.307
Right, she was fine, she ran out around the backyard, whatever, right.

00:20:12.385 --> 00:20:18.586
But like, sometimes we do things for other people or even animals greater than we will do for ourselves.

00:20:18.586 --> 00:20:28.319
So like, if the thing is like go for a walk with the dog, it's like now I'm doing something for someone, something, some dog, something else, so the walk, right.

00:20:28.319 --> 00:20:38.315
And then I don't touch any work until probably 9.30 and I definitely don't have a meeting unless it's a real.

00:20:38.315 --> 00:20:41.605
Like the person could only meet at 9 am.

00:20:41.605 --> 00:20:44.605
Okay, fine, I get it, we're working 9 to 5.

00:20:44.605 --> 00:20:47.348
But like I will really think about it if the meeting's at 9am.

00:20:47.348 --> 00:20:49.857
Okay, fine, you know, I get it, we're working nine to five, but like I will really think about it if the meeting's at night.

00:20:49.878 --> 00:20:50.279
Like I won't take it.

00:20:50.279 --> 00:20:54.430
Just won't take it because I'm not even awake by then.

00:20:54.430 --> 00:21:02.846
So like, also, I don't have a coffee until an hour and a half after waking up.

00:21:02.846 --> 00:21:15.114
Yeah, that really stings if I have to drive from Werribee to Mumbolk or Werribee to anywhere unless it's Werribee.

00:21:15.114 --> 00:21:21.380
So, yeah, that morning routine of doing that as a non-negotiable.

00:21:21.780 --> 00:21:26.772
The second thing is like I kept on taking my medication too late.

00:21:26.772 --> 00:21:35.488
So I take Seroquel, which has a really high sedative effect, which is also known as quetiapine, cerebral quetiapine same thing that has a sedative effect.

00:21:35.488 --> 00:21:41.667
If I don't take that medication, I don't sleep, and sleep is incredibly important.

00:21:41.667 --> 00:22:10.644
I'm not going to claim to be a sleep expert, but so the non-negotiable is alarm goes off at 8.30 and I take those pills right, unless I'm out at dinner, or you know, there's variances, but that's a non-negotiable as well, because a lot of the times what happens is people will get better and then they'll convince themselves that they don't need to take the medication because they're better, but ironically, it's the medication that's helped them get better, and there's that.

00:22:10.644 --> 00:22:12.990
Or there's just genuine forgetfulness.

00:22:12.990 --> 00:22:25.039
Like a friend of mine, I was really irritable the last week or two, and a friend of mine was like Tim, you know I'm not out of any, but are you taking your medication?

00:22:25.039 --> 00:22:33.181
I'm like, no, oh, I've been taking the Seroquel but, like the last two days, I stopped lithium.

00:22:33.181 --> 00:22:39.201
Oh, okay, well, that could have been why I was forgetful and did all that, right.

00:22:39.201 --> 00:22:41.077
So sometimes we just forget.

00:22:41.077 --> 00:22:42.194
So the alarm that goes off.

00:22:42.194 --> 00:22:43.916
So those are the two non-negotiables.

00:22:43.916 --> 00:22:47.097
Yeah, walk medication at night.

00:22:47.851 --> 00:23:01.990
And then I've said to my wife, I've said, if I can't explain to her what I've done in a day like, as I said, bipolar people always do more than the normal person, right?

00:23:01.990 --> 00:23:05.000
So I've got a lot of stuff that I do during the day.

00:23:05.000 --> 00:23:08.601
Some of it's productive, some of it's not, some of it's fun, right.

00:23:08.601 --> 00:23:15.538
But if I can't tell my wife at least one, two, three things that I've done today, then that's an early warning sign.

00:23:15.818 --> 00:23:58.881
Yes, so picking up on these early warning signs and the scary thing about this last depression was I told her I said I feel like I'm slipping, I feel like I'm doing this, I don't want to get on a meeting, I don't want to do that, and meeting, I don't want to do like and um, picking up on those early warning signs are important but, yeah, those are the sort of the free non-negotiables I'd say is it's like have the walk in the morning, get out of bed, stay out of bed and then, um, do stuff during the day that lights you up for me that's sales calls and business and that, but for other people it could be something else and then at the end of the day, make sure I take my medication.

00:23:58.881 --> 00:24:01.015
It sounds simple.

00:24:01.296 --> 00:24:02.118
It does sound simple.

00:24:02.118 --> 00:24:02.670
You know what it's.

00:24:02.670 --> 00:24:06.414
Not only I know we're talking about bipolar mental health, but I think it's just for everyone.

00:24:06.414 --> 00:24:13.527
In general, I think everyone needs a routine where they prioritise as opposed to others, especially in the corporate world and stuff.

00:24:13.527 --> 00:24:23.711
You know, I know I find myself prioritizing other people way over myself and you let your health go and stuff and you get to 55 and all next minute yeah, you got health issues which could have been avoided in your 30s if you started.

00:24:23.711 --> 00:24:25.156
You know, just had a little routine.

00:24:25.176 --> 00:24:33.571
So I think it's an important thing for everyone it's amazing because we'll put so much time and effort and care into other people but we won't do that for ourselves.

00:24:33.571 --> 00:24:38.722
Yeah, and quite literally, blocking it off it doesn't have.

00:24:38.722 --> 00:24:39.932
It doesn't work all the time.

00:24:39.932 --> 00:24:49.979
It's not 100% foolproof, as I say, sometimes a meeting slips in or a thing, or like I've got to drive to an early networking event, so I don you know, I don't take the dog for a walk.

00:24:49.979 --> 00:24:52.384
Then I go in the afternoon, right.

00:24:52.384 --> 00:25:00.964
But having that structure is it helps you fight away the depression, right?

00:25:00.964 --> 00:25:12.202
I'm in consistent fear of the next episode, but if I put things in place now, I know that that episode just for me.

00:25:12.202 --> 00:25:19.737
I personally know that I can make it last less than a week easily if I have the right systems.

00:25:20.130 --> 00:25:22.819
You're talking about depressive episodes to you, right yeah, depressive episodes.

00:25:22.930 --> 00:25:30.096
Now that might come and bite me on the ass, right that wording, might you know.

00:25:30.096 --> 00:25:38.902
My psychologist might clip that out and say, well, this is what you just said, so but yeah, I don't know.

00:25:38.902 --> 00:25:50.154
I mean, I'm actually weirdly now geez, this is going to sound out of pocket weirdly excited to see what happens the next time depression starts knocking Well to see if your system can work.

00:25:50.194 --> 00:25:51.720
and that's yeah, that's what you mean, yeah.

00:25:52.811 --> 00:26:00.220
Yeah, weirdly excited to like not that I want to, but it's the ripcord, it's the emergency parachute.

00:26:00.220 --> 00:26:01.281
Have I built that?

00:26:01.281 --> 00:26:10.558
Because I thought I built that last time and I think if we go back and we listen to the last episode, I was saying that I was doing it, but I really didn't this time.

00:26:10.558 --> 00:26:15.479
It was a real effort, it was a real like and we're still working on it.

00:26:15.479 --> 00:26:23.634
Yeah, one in March we'll have more meetings about it, you know, I think everyone, at a basic level, struggles with discipline and consistency.

00:26:23.890 --> 00:26:25.596
Everyone has these daily habits they want to do.

00:26:25.596 --> 00:26:27.957
It's a very rare individual.

00:26:27.957 --> 00:26:34.351
I'll say Jim's a freak individual because he's been doing daily exercise since he was 14, in the cold shower since he was whatever 25, whatever like.

00:26:34.351 --> 00:26:35.536
Daily like doesn't miss.

00:26:35.536 --> 00:26:36.097
Wow.

00:26:36.097 --> 00:26:38.618
I think it's a very rare, rare, rare person who can do that.

00:26:38.618 --> 00:26:42.040
So I don't think it's, even though you're saying it's about yourself.

00:26:42.040 --> 00:26:56.167
I think it's a very common thing that a lot of people could relate to, regardless if they've got mental health challenges or not, and at least you're attempting to fix or to put these things in place, whereas a lot of people don't, and they know they should, and then it's too late when they get to it.

00:26:56.509 --> 00:26:58.116
Yeah, it's like anything.

00:26:58.116 --> 00:26:59.394
It's like oh, I want to do that.

00:26:59.394 --> 00:27:00.298
Oh, that's a good idea.

00:27:00.298 --> 00:27:02.939
It's like look, there's two things.

00:27:02.939 --> 00:27:12.079
It's like if you've got a mental illness, it is your responsibility to make sure at least one person knows about it.

00:27:12.421 --> 00:27:12.582
Yeah.

00:27:13.069 --> 00:27:17.156
So that could be a professional, that could be a psychologist Really good if it's multiple.

00:27:17.156 --> 00:27:24.002
But it's also your responsibility to come up with plans to treat the illness and stay well and stay well.

00:27:24.002 --> 00:27:28.500
Yeah, if I had a broken arm, I wouldn't just walk around with a broken arm.

00:27:28.740 --> 00:27:28.942
Yeah.

00:27:29.332 --> 00:27:30.769
You know I'd go and get it fixed.

00:27:31.415 --> 00:27:32.849
I love what you said there, Tim.

00:27:32.849 --> 00:27:40.954
I just want to interrupt you back because I think it's a really good point and I think my experience with bipolar was where my mum wanted to stay well, but she didn't know how to stay well.

00:27:40.954 --> 00:28:00.016
And then I think she just did what she wanted and that was the way it is, and I think that's the key is prioritising yourself to actually stay well and not you know, and like it might sound bad sometimes, but I thought my mum sometimes wanted the attention that she had all the time when she was sort of unwell or had people over left, right and centre with psychs and all that sort of stuff.

00:28:00.036 --> 00:28:00.237
Yeah.

00:28:00.930 --> 00:28:03.337
It was sort of and liked being high a bit.

00:28:03.337 --> 00:28:07.240
I guess was the other thing where she could be mannequin sort of stay in that state.

00:28:07.240 --> 00:28:20.237
So I think having a responsibility to try and stay well and want to stay well is a really it's easier said than done, I guess, but I think with bipolar from my experience anyway, from people I've known with it, I've seen it that's sort of the thing that gets forgotten sometimes.

00:28:20.329 --> 00:28:26.155
I think their responsibility to try and stay well, not just for yourself but for the people around you, and I think that gets lost sometimes.

00:28:26.155 --> 00:28:28.031
We'll do it with my mum anyway.

00:28:28.532 --> 00:28:35.223
The other thing is when you are well, you can actually use the advantages of your illness.

00:28:35.223 --> 00:28:45.038
I no longer apart from the last 50 times we've said it in this podcast and called it a mental illness right, it's better said as a mental advantage.

00:28:45.038 --> 00:28:51.540
So, five years of my life depressed what is the advantage of spending five years in a depression?

00:28:51.540 --> 00:28:53.718
Well, I've learned a whole bunch about myself.

00:28:53.718 --> 00:29:05.470
I've got a lot of insights and lessons and knowledge into myself that a lot of people my age don't even have access to, because I've had to do the hard work to pull myself out of that right.

00:29:05.470 --> 00:29:12.309
And those lessons are incredibly valuable, not just health lessons, but business lessons in life and going on well.

00:29:12.309 --> 00:29:17.143
My business was doing really well and it failed because of not having that thing in place.

00:29:17.143 --> 00:29:20.039
So you got to go and do that thing right.

00:29:21.911 --> 00:29:23.175
The depression taught me that.

00:29:23.175 --> 00:29:27.819
Great lessons, learning in that phase, the growth, is really cool.

00:29:27.819 --> 00:29:36.244
There's this cool moment when you're coming out of depression where on the upswing, you have a choice of what you bring back into your life.

00:29:36.244 --> 00:29:41.520
I can choose the people, the projects, the business.

00:29:41.520 --> 00:29:44.253
I did a friend of mine.

00:29:44.253 --> 00:29:49.443
I was like can you just come over and do an interview because I want to see if I can even do this again.

00:29:49.443 --> 00:29:55.153
So I had a choice to stop the business completely or go and do something else or whatever.

00:29:55.153 --> 00:30:01.382
But I chose to keep going because enough people around me were like, no, you need to keep going.

00:30:01.382 --> 00:30:04.019
And myself I was like, yes, I need to keep going.

00:30:04.019 --> 00:30:06.634
So you don't learn that A lot of people don't get that.

00:30:06.634 --> 00:30:19.159
A lot of people push against a wall of doing the same thing, whereas I've got that ability to kind of step back and go what failed, whereas other people it just fails and they don't know why it failed.

00:30:19.159 --> 00:30:27.163
I know exactly why I failed and it's because of the spectrum.

00:30:27.163 --> 00:30:35.316
So mania gives you a level of drive, motivation, passion, influence, creativity, things that I can tap into that people just miss.

00:30:35.316 --> 00:30:38.423
Because I've got that as a mental advantage.

00:30:39.431 --> 00:30:46.630
All of a sudden you start realizing that whatever you have ADHD, anxiety you know anxiety right.

00:30:46.630 --> 00:30:48.093
What's the positive of anxiety?

00:30:48.093 --> 00:30:51.178
Well, if you're heightened, you're very aware of what's going on.

00:30:51.178 --> 00:31:01.553
So you're probably the safest're very aware of what's going on, so you're probably the safest person to walk around the street with A mate of mine who's a cop now.

00:31:01.553 --> 00:31:11.280
We were walking in the city and he just very quickly, he just said whatever you do, do not stop walking, just keep walking, just keep walking, because 300 metres away he clocked that there was dodgy people.

00:31:11.280 --> 00:31:19.535
He said just keep walking, because 300 meters away he clocked that there was dodgy people.

00:31:19.535 --> 00:31:20.115
I was like just keep walking.

00:31:20.115 --> 00:31:20.836
He's very sternly just keep walking.

00:31:20.836 --> 00:31:21.358
I wouldn't have seen that.

00:31:21.358 --> 00:31:22.180
So what are the things?

00:31:22.180 --> 00:31:24.625
What are the advantages that your illness can give you?

00:31:24.625 --> 00:31:33.836
And that's something that I'm also very passionate about, because when you are well, you can tap into the advantages of your illness.

00:31:33.836 --> 00:31:36.001
Hey, that's cool, that's a quote.

00:31:36.001 --> 00:31:40.300
When you are well, you can tap into the advantages of what you have.

00:31:40.589 --> 00:31:44.955
Well, a lot of people, if you look at history, who had bipolar or they presumed they had bipolar.

00:31:44.955 --> 00:31:46.580
Did you know very creative people?

00:31:46.580 --> 00:31:54.997
I think Vincent van Gogh was one, and there's obviously a few others as well, and you've even got Elon Musk now saying that he reckons he's got it.

00:31:54.997 --> 00:32:01.932
So that's something where to one of the smartest people on the planet, whether you agree with him or not, but you can see there he's really tapping into it.

00:32:02.273 --> 00:32:03.617
So can you stay.

00:32:03.617 --> 00:32:12.023
The problem, then, is can you stay well enough for consistently enough and for long enough to actually reap the benefits of it?

00:32:12.023 --> 00:32:22.733
My mentor, who taught me how to sell, he says, jokingly, he's like I've taught about 19 people my sales framework one-on-one.

00:32:22.733 --> 00:32:26.143
He's taught thousands of it, one to many, but one to one.

00:32:26.143 --> 00:32:27.972
He says 18 of them are millionaires.

00:32:27.972 --> 00:32:35.424
And he jokes that if I didn't go off and you know, be unwell that I'd be well on my way right.

00:32:35.424 --> 00:32:40.876
And he says that very sarcastically and jokingly but at the same time it's like well, crap, okay, what have I?

00:32:40.876 --> 00:32:44.459
You know, what have I missed out on because of the five years, you know?

00:32:44.459 --> 00:32:52.340
And so if you've got bipolar or depression or whatever it is, can you stay well enough to reap the advantages of what it is that you have?

00:32:52.340 --> 00:32:59.789
And you know, I basically built a business from zero in October.

00:32:59.789 --> 00:33:07.136
We're now 7th of February to back being sustainable, running everything in the matter of three months.

00:33:07.136 --> 00:33:08.480
That's great, yeah.

00:33:09.932 --> 00:33:10.494
So you go.

00:33:10.736 --> 00:33:11.097
No, no, no.

00:33:11.097 --> 00:33:12.574
But yeah, that's the thing is like.

00:33:12.574 --> 00:33:15.935
Can you stay well enough to reap the advantages Well progress has?

00:33:15.976 --> 00:33:27.781
been made in it, because I don't reckon, you know, from hearing what you're saying to now, I don't reckon in 30 years there's been much progress made at all with bipolar, to be honest, besides maybe some new medications or something besides lithium or whatever, but the theme or whatever.

00:33:27.781 --> 00:33:35.347
But I don't think there's been much done or that I know of, because it's something that I never really hear spoken about in the general conversation.

00:33:35.347 --> 00:33:41.278
And then also from what you're telling me, it seems to be like 35 years, 40 years ago, when my mum was going through this thing.

00:33:41.278 --> 00:33:45.501
It doesn't seem to have changed much in terms of maybe the support's a bit more there, maybe I don't know.

00:33:45.501 --> 00:33:48.614
I just don't know what beyond that's actually even changed.

00:33:48.953 --> 00:33:54.961
I've been very fortunate in the sense that the help that I've got, both professionally and around me, has been very good.

00:33:55.781 --> 00:34:11.396
But I also grew up in the eastern suburbs so when I had my very first manic and depressive episodes, the system that I was put into was a good system Eastern health they were fantastic.

00:34:11.396 --> 00:34:15.719
I then got on to my psychiatrist for that right and I've been very fortunate.

00:34:15.719 --> 00:34:21.063
But I've heard some horror stories of other people who just haven't been that fortunate.

00:34:21.063 --> 00:34:26.588
So I've been very lucky that the professional help that I've had around me has been very good.

00:34:26.588 --> 00:34:28.798
But what is happening?

00:34:28.798 --> 00:34:31.456
I quote you all the time the.

00:34:31.456 --> 00:34:42.398
The conversation around anxiety and depression is really high, but there's not so much around your schizophrenia and your bipolar and your your podcast is literally the only podcast that goes into that.

00:34:42.398 --> 00:34:57.514
I know of right, that I know of that goes into the other stuff and it's like when I tell someone I have bipolar, I have to then go into this long explanation about it's bipolar 2 and not bipolar 1 and even that and like management and that's exhausting.

00:34:58.398 --> 00:35:00.373
I think it is and I think people get a really.

00:35:00.373 --> 00:35:01.617
I think people don't.

00:35:01.617 --> 00:35:05.873
I'm not saying how, if it's described as serious or not, but I don't think people take.

00:35:05.873 --> 00:35:10.253
I think when they hear the term, they just think, oh, up and down, you know, that's it.

00:35:10.253 --> 00:35:18.786
They don't understand the severity of what being up means or if you're down, they don't understand it, the sustained periods and all the behaviours that go with it.

00:35:18.786 --> 00:35:30.438
I think they're very flippant about it and I think, especially with celebrities and stuff just saying they've got bipolar all the time or whatever it is, I think it gets really watered down in regards to the condition as well, with schizophrenia.

00:35:30.438 --> 00:35:34.170
I think it's still something that people just think they hear and they've got no idea as well.

00:35:35.472 --> 00:35:38.480
And they just think it's an unmanageable condition too for that one.

00:35:39.021 --> 00:35:42.476
And it's really sad, even with my close network.

00:35:42.476 --> 00:36:03.030
My mum pulled my wife aside during my birthday dinner and said that she's worried about me because I've gone from being not active to very, very active, right, and my mum was like, is that she was worried?

00:36:03.030 --> 00:36:04.114
She was like I don't know.

00:36:04.114 --> 00:36:11.597
And she thought that, like, and I talked to her about it and she's like, yeah, yeah, you're just not yourself.

00:36:11.597 --> 00:36:16.338
I'm like, no, no, no, but this is me, this is how it's treated.

00:36:16.338 --> 00:36:17.554
And she didn't understand that.

00:36:17.554 --> 00:36:26.271
Like, yeah, I'll be a little elevated, I might go off on tangents and talk and whatever, but like, but she didn't realize, and that's just.

00:36:26.393 --> 00:36:44.960
It's so painful because people then start to get worried about activity and I'm doing a lot and they go okay, but then if he keeps going like this, then they just believe it will just burn out, but they don't know the work that I'm doing in the background.

00:36:44.960 --> 00:36:49.420
I talk about it, but they don't know just how much I'm doing.

00:36:49.420 --> 00:37:05.510
I talk about it, but they don't know just how much I'm doing to and it's really, yeah, it's not cool because, like, then the people closest to you, it's like and they're coming from a loving place, but it's almost like they don't believe that you'll stay consistent.

00:37:05.510 --> 00:37:07.836
When, in your mind, that's all you're doing, everything that I'm doing, is so I can stay consistent.

00:37:07.836 --> 00:37:14.860
And when, in your mind, that's all you're doing, or everything that I'm doing is so I can stay consistent.

00:37:14.860 --> 00:37:31.175
If I, you know, I look at my calendar, a great day for me is like not back-to-back meetings, because that's silly, I know that's silly, but it's like meeting at 4, meeting at you know 10, meeting at 12, meeting at 3, meeting at 4.

00:37:31.175 --> 00:37:31.918
That's a great day.

00:37:31.918 --> 00:37:33.054
That's like a connection day.

00:37:33.054 --> 00:37:37.101
So that's my Tuesday networking and talking to people.

00:37:37.101 --> 00:37:43.394
But someone would look at my calendar now and they'd go are you doing too much?

00:37:43.394 --> 00:37:50.199
I'm not doing too much because I can bear a little bit too much, and that actually is the thing that stops me.

00:37:50.199 --> 00:37:54.994
As soon as I do nothing, that's when it's concerning.

00:37:56.038 --> 00:37:57.963
It's concerning when I don't post.

00:37:57.963 --> 00:38:07.833
I went to my university yesterday because I'm better friends with lecturers sometimes and, um, one of the lecturers was like, oh, you've blown up over the last three months.

00:38:07.833 --> 00:38:11.018

I have lost 5 years of my life to Bipolar Disorder! Interview with Tim Beanland

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